I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
