I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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