Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
