Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
a search helicopter?!
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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