we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i would one night stand the shit outta him
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
