i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
