Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
