You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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