Plan B is the new Plan A
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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