come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
