Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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