he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
