u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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