you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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