I'm really into asian looking animals
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
