so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
