I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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