she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
