She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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