I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
