I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
