im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
