The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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