My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
