I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I love you. Go after that dick
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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