..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
