$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
