Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
