her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
