the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
