I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
