Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
