well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
