How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
