I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
