Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
