I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
