He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
