pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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