nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
