I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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