he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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