If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
