Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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