Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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