I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
