mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
