Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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