ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
