and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
