you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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