the new term for farting is butt boxing.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
