I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
