I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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