No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
