dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Every concussion has its silver lining
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
