i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
