but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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