i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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