Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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